In A Haze

So I've been walking around in a haze lately. I'm not really sure why. Maybe because I've got this terrible cough/cold/fever/fatigue combination? Or maybe because I'm letting my mind wander to things I really shouldn't be thinking about it?

All I know is that I've been really out of body lately. And I really hate that feeling. Like a lot.

So starting right now, the haze is over. I'm not thinking about the bad stuff anymore. I'm not letting this disease that I have take over. I'M THINKING POSITIVE. I'M THINKING AHEAD.

Mostly my problem is that I'm scared to death of the future. Now that I've got friends who are at that decisive point where they figure out what's next, I realize that I AM NOT READY FOR THAT. I may seem daring, or whatever, but I'm comfortable with what is safe, what is known.

NOT ANYMORE.

So, starting right now, I am going to embrace everything I've got for what it's worth, and start looking ahead. I'm not going to start finding a job right now or whatever, I'm just going to start thinking more about what's next for me. Not what's last, but what's next. If that makes any sense at all. I've got so many opportunities ahead of me. I'm going to embrace them, and then look towards the next thing.

I mean I'm only 20 years old. I have so much ahead of me. Meredyth told me today that I should run for president. I have to be 35 to even start entertaining that notion. That's 15 years from now, a long time. So even if I want to run for office or something ridiculous like that, I've got 15 years until then! I've got so much to do!

Now the thing is, I have to figure out what I'm going to do, and LOVE DOING IT.

I guess this post is more of a reassurance to myself, a way for me to voice what I've been thinking, and to tell myself to get over thinking the bad things, and start thinking about the good things!

Here's to the here and now, and the direct future, whatever that might be.




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Wow, what a tweaked out post. I blame it on the concoction of cold meds I'm on right now.